


our hearts, fire

by moonymindpalace



Series: our hearts (nct civil war au) [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - War, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Jeno and Mark deserve to be kicked by their bfs, M/M, Mentions of torture and lots of blood, Minor Character Death, Paranoia, People getting shot, Things get really bad in this one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-05-04 02:47:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14583252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonymindpalace/pseuds/moonymindpalace
Summary: Why would I fear something that will inevitably happen?, said Jaemin, why should I lose myself to something I have no control over?





	our hearts, fire

**Author's Note:**

> Someone mentioned "trenches" within a 6 meter radius of me and this wreckage happened.  
> Again, all the love to Marina, and also huge thanks to everyone who left comments on part 1 of this series.

Donghyuk was no longer used to sleeping alone, missed Mark’s breathing on his neck, the leg tucked between his. They were on a trench and Mark was sleeping on the other side, Renjun and the kids between them as a buffer, the silence thick enough to be cut with a knife but Donghyuk could hear it anyway. It wasn’t me, he wanted to scream, it wasn’t me, they’re my friends, they’re my family, it wasn’t me. The sleeping bag kept him dry, but the stench of mud was overwhelming. It wasn’t me.

*

Lucas, Winwin, Yuta, Doyoung, Jungwoo. And Taeil, who rarely left his safe house. Renjun heard their names like a hypnotic chant. They were all gone.

*

You do know I date a guy who used to be in the black-ops, Chenle heard Johnny say on the other side of the wall, and I still trust him, he finished, resolute but sorta choked up.

Chenle heard nothing for a while and thought about going away, forgetting what he just learned, until the other person made a noise.

Mark, Johnny said, sometimes you just gotta make a leap of faith ‘cos it’s gonna kill you either way.

*

Taeyong looked like a bad boy when Jisung first met him, with his big bike, leather jacket and smile. But he had gentle eyes and a gentler voice, was so sweet to Jaehyun, so warm with Jisung. He looked like their mother, even after being separated from her since early childhood. He cried for her, too, silent and jaded tears of a boy turned into a man by the worst of the circumstances.

Jisung could relate.

He was carefree with Johnny and brotherly with Mark, respected his leadership even if Mark was one of their youngest. He’s got a Midas touch, he told Jisung one night, everything he does goes well, and that’s why I put out with him being so closed off. Reckon he knows what he’s doing.

*

The whole second squad was captured in action and Mark knew it was his fault, even if he wasn’t even present. For being selfish. He couldn’t even look at Donghyuk.

*

They all had different styles. Taeyong was an overachiever by nature, Mark was efficient and brash, Johnny was patient, a man with a plan. And Jaemin really got the kicks out of making plans.

Jeno was busy being lovey-dovey with Ten, the most aesthetically pleasing sight, so Jaemin sneaked out and prodded Johnny’s unmoving form by the door.

Wanna try somethin'?, he asked, and Johnny gave him a gorgeously crooked smile. Fire away man, he said.

*

Jeno was persistence. Nana was chaos, he breezed through life like nothing was supposed to make sense, and Jeno eventually realized he wasn’t afraid to die. When Johnny called up the team for his mission Jeno locked Nana in a storage room and told the kids to not let him out until he came back. But Jeno didn’t come back.

They found him three days later in an abandoned carpark, mouth stuffed with a filthy rag, body covered in blood, eyes ablaze, a bullet hole on his shoulder. He couldn’t scream, or the soldiers would find him, but he could cry, and Nana wiped the salt off his face with the sleeve of his own jacket. Persistence and chaos.

*

The soldiers had known where Jeno was, after all, and an hour after finding him they were all bound in the back of a truck.

Pretty thing you are, said one of them to Jaemin, and Jeno had long passed out from blood loss. Bet you’d do anything to help him, right, pretty boy. He wasn’t an officer, a sergeant at most, but Jaemin couldn’t see his uniform in the dark. Renjun stabbed the guy in the guts with the blade he kept under his sole.

*

Renjun dragged them back leaving a trail of blood behind. Mark felt sick looking at the deep gash across Jaemin’s face, the cut missing his left eye for a millimetre. Jeno was as cold as ice, and Kun cursed because Doyoung was still gone, and he was the best at surgeries.

*

Why would I fear something that will inevitably happen?, said Jaemin, holding Renjun’s hand while Chenle redressed the cut on his face. Why should I lose myself to something I have no control over?

Jisung could relate.

*

Jeno woke up after long, and Chenle sent Jisung over to fetch Jaemin.

Jaemin’s eyes were as cold as ice and his teeth were gritted in the way they got when he was deeply angered. You are Lee Jeno, he whispered, and you used to be afraid of nothing, that’s why we loved you, now you fear _everything_.

Chenle was growing tired of inadvertently listening other people’s issues, but he remembered Kun saying it came from being a doctor. All Chenle wanted was to help his friends. Renjun was in the back, silent and taking no pity on him.

You stay in here and recover, and I ain’t gonna lose myself over what I have no control over. We all gonna die one day, Jeno. Jaemin said. Jeno paled even more. From the dark, Renjun just hummed.

*

As skilled as he was, Renjun knew people were the most dangerous weapons, and he couldn’t handle them. The recoiling of a pistol was nothing compared to the fear instilled by human flaw. There was a traitor among them, and no precision shot in the world could fix what had already been done.

*

Winwin came back broken and bleeding, crying his way into Taeyong’s arms. They’re all dead, he said, I saw them shoot every single one of them, they made me watch. Donghyuk swallowed around the tightness of his throat because that was exactly what the soldiers did to their prisoners. He would know. He helped Winwin into the bed beside Jeno’s, eyes bright with unshed tears.

Mark stood in the back, silent.

Donghyuk was growing used to sleeping alone.

*

Kun had once been an army doctor. Renjun had been a soldier, just like his father, like Yuta, Ten and Donghyuk, the last two trained for special services. It was honourable, up until it wasn’t, up until it came to torturing people and killing children, and that’s when Renjun had deserted. The rebels could use someone like him, and that’s how Yuta, Kun and Ten felt, too. He wouldn’t know about Donghyuk, he never talked about his past. Renjun thought he just wanted to forget and be forgiven.

*

Doyoung, Taeil, Lucas and Jungwoo came back. Yuta was nowhere to be seen. Lucas's face was black and blue with bruises, he had blood on his teeth, and was carrying Jungwoo over his shoulder.

We were betrayed, said an even skinnier Taeil.

Chenle’s eyes met Renjun’s. Donghyuk’s knife was against Winwin's throat in a second.

*

Taeyong made Jisung sit beside him for the interrogation. It’s good for you to learn, he said, and Jisung just nodded, even if he didn’t like the idea of looking a traitor in the eye.

Ten was asking the questions and Renjun had a gun pressed against Winwin’s nape. Winwin was crying. I have a sister, he said, and they have her, I can’t say no to them. It was horrifying, how cold they all were, how little blood was left on Taeyong’s face by the end, how Renjun switched places with Jaehyun and came forward to testify.

I knew him when we were kids, he said, loud and clear, even if he hadn’t eaten a single decent meal for the last two weeks, giving all his rations to Jeno. His name is Sicheng and he’s got no sister, he’s lying now like he lied before and will lie again.

Ten's eyes went from Renjun to Taeyong to Mark and back to Winwin, who kept crying.

You people have no idea, Winwin shouted, his face no longer as beautiful as it once was, what it is to have nothing left. Jaehyun backhanded him until he stopped screaming. Jisung looked at his brother, at Chenle, at the empty spot left for Yuta, tortured to death in some filthy room, all alone.

All I did was take advantage of this, we’re all gonna die anyway, we’re nothing, Winwin said, face squashed up against the ground. Jisung couldn’t relate.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Johnny standing up in a hurry to stop Mark from shooting Winwin then and there.

*

Leap of faith, remember? Johnny said, and Mark stared at him dead in the eye. Don’t break his nose again or I might put you in a cell for a while.

Donghyuk was still watching over Jeno but looked about to throw up, hands shaking slightly. The interrogation had apparently shaken him deeper than Mark expected. Do you believe me now?, he asked when Jeno fell asleep. Mark tried to touch him, but he slid away.

I do.

Stop living inside your own head, Mark, he said, you either stop or you leave me, I’m not cut for this.

I will, Mark said, his voice swallowed by a thunder.

The sky outside was brewing up a storm, and Mark followed Donghyuk, took him like the rain, sunk deeper and deeper until Donghyuk was soaking from him.

*

The trenches on the front were a trap of quicksand and blood, and Jaemin forgot himself countless times a day, the explosions replacing his thoughts, until someone came and took him away, cleaned his hands, made him eat.

You can’t do this, the person said, and Jaemin thought he knew them, but their face was covered in mud too, you can’t leave him after all this.

Jaemin forgot himself countless times a day, but he never forgot Jeno. Putting his hands on the person’s face recognition finally hit him. I’m not leaving him, Jaemin said, we’re leaving each other, I thought you understood.

Renjun’s eyes met his. I do, but he doesn’t. Come back, he commanded, but Jaemin had long forgotten how to obey.

*

Jeno remembered going down long roads and watching his Captain’s back, sleeping on tents and blazing in villages to save people. He remembered kissing Jaemin goodnight, walking beside him under the scorching sun and over the snow. He remembered trusting Renjun with his life.

I’m not letting you go there, Mark said with all the finality of someone finally settling into power, they don’t want to come back and they don’t want you there, either. Besides, Donghyuk needs you.

Jeno remembered fearing nothing.

He wished he didn’t.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Songs used to write this:  
> Carry Me Home - The Killers  
> Black Whistler - Kasabian  
> Bang Bang Ban - Tracy Chapman  
> Karma Police - Radiohead  
> Buzzcut Season - Lorde  
> Exogenesis Symphony parts 1, 2 and 3 - Muse  
> (and also a lot of Arcade Fire for revision)
> 
> See you in part 3!


End file.
